Bella's Last Note
by sarah-msu
Summary: If Bella had jumped off the cliff to commit suicide, this is the note she left behind... Will be adding chapters to this one asap!
1. Chapter 1

Edward

I know that Alice will see me writing this note, so I know that you'll find it soon after I'm gone. Life without you is unbearable and I will no longer subject myself to this torment. I seek the freedom of death and I don't think it will be difficult to find, especially for me. At one time you said that when I died, you would follow after as soon as you could. I thought of this when I was deciding my final plans, but since your feelings for me have changed, I no longer fear that you'll follow after me in death. I want you to know that the few months that we spent together were the most precious moments of my life. I know what you meant when you said a person can live forever and never be really alive. I've lived only a short time and yet I feel like life couldn't possibly have anything more to offer me.

Tell Alice that she was the best friend anyone could ever hope to have.

And I know the silence of my mind has always been a mystery for you. That you wish you could hear my thoughts just once, if only for a moment. But I can tell you now with supreme confidence that if you were ever able to hear my thoughts, all you would hear is the impossible amount of love I have for you, now and forever. Since the very first moment I saw you, my thoughts have only been about you. No one could ever mean so much to one person as you do to me and I am forever grateful for the time I was given to be with you.

I feel like you never left, like you've been lurking around corners and hiding in the dark the whole time. But that's just my mind, playing tricks on me, giving me what I want. I suppose I'll never see you again, but knowing that is a small sort of comfort, a feeling of finality instead of the incessant wondering if you'll ever come back to me. If I could bear the pain of it, I'd wait for you forever, but your departure has left me without the strength. If you have any feeling for me, I pray that Alice sees this with enough time for you to save me. If not, then know that I'll never stop loving you, even in death.

Forever yours

Isabella


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, this really wasn't going to be a story, but a few people suggested it, so I thought I might try it. I'd like to just throw out a few ideas and see where they take me; hopefully I won't ruin the characters. (except Jacob – just warning you right now – he'll be ooc and you'll probably hate him – sorry Jake lovers but I can't stand that dog) I didn't think I was going to make this one into a story and I'm not sure where it's going so please, please review so I know if you like it or not – thanks!!**

The tears were falling faster now as I folded my note and placed it gently in an envelope. On the front of the envelope I wrote the one word that had become my entire life, the reason for its existence, and its end.

_Edward_.

I felt a jolt of pain and nausea as I wrote his name. In the last few months I had tried my best not to speak or think of the word to avoid the crushing pain and depression that it would bring, but none of that was comparable to the searing pain that I felt now as I slowly spelled the name; my last written word in this life. I put the envelope where I knew he would enter, the ledge of my window, and turned my back on the horrid paper. It seemed crazy to me that one seemingly harmless sheet of notebook paper could become so incredibly powerful and important to me.

When I could no longer see the envelope my familiar numbness started to slowly flow back into my body, fading away the intense pain, and leaving a throbbing ache over every inch of my pale skin. I still hurt all over, but this was at least bearable. Then, for the first time in weeks, I thought about my parents. They would hate me. But how could they ever understand? I could never explain it or justify it to anyone, it was just…the only thing I wanted. It had been _months_ of constant pain. I didn't want to eat or speak or _move._ Every simple action had become a struggle for me, and the only thing I wanted to do, my one comfort, was ruined. I wanted freedom, I wanted to escape, I wanted to be somewhere that didn't remind me of him every second of every minute. _I wanted to sleep._ But I couldn't, I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. I would lie in bed for hours, staring at the window, never allowing myself to think about it, but still, I would just stare at the window, waiting. When my body would finally give in and sleep would come, it was always in short, uncomfortable shifts. And the nightmares…they were terrifying to put it lightly. I almost always woke up screaming as I was attacked by unseen forces. At first Charlie had come running every night to my room. He would sit with me like I was five years old, scared of the monsters under my bed, in the closet, in my head. But after a while, he stopped coming. I didn't blame him for it, I was actually glad that he started ignoring me; it was nice to be left alone. I was so tired of everyone pretending that they cared and promising that it would get better. They would try to appeal to my logic, saying that I was being unhealthy and unfair to myself and to everyone who was still here for me. But I didn't care, how could they even fathom what I was feeling? I wanted to ask them what they would do if they were the only person alive on this earth. I wanted to make them feel how alone that really was, because that's how alone I was. He was more important than anyone else, than _everyone_ else, and now I was utterly alone. Of course I was still surrounded by people at school and Charlie at home, but those were just bodies moving through their own lives while I stood still, not moving, not speaking.

In fact, I hardly ever spoke anymore, saying only what was necessary. Charlie might even be relieved when I was gone. He had been living with a dead person for so long, at least this way I wouldn't be taking up space anymore. I knew I should feel guilty about my choice; that people would think it was selfish, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Even if I was being selfish; honestly, what did it matter? I had already ostracized myself from anyone that I had ever considered my friend, including the one that had tried to help, Jacob. I knew what he was, but it was okay. He may have seen himself as a freak at first, but I saw him as a fragile connection to a world that had been taken from me, _as if it had never existed_.

The day that we had seen the cliffs I knew what I would do; it was just a matter of time. And then today at school, it was decided for me. We had a 'free day' in English; we were ahead on the curriculum and my horrible teacher decided we would watch a movie that we hadn't had time for earlier in the semester. It was Romeo and Juliet, the old version. Fortunately I didn't have to sit through it though; instead I rushed to the bathroom to throw up and spent the rest of the day in and out of the nurse's office.

When I got home I saw the house; really _saw_ it for the first time in months. It was a mess; there was a mountain of laundry in the hallway leading to the washer and dirty dishes overflowing the kitchen. I didn't bother to check the phone for messages from Charlie. I didn't care if he would be home late again. Recently he had started finding excuses to stay at the station later and later every night, hoping that I would be in bed by the time he got home. Of course I was always in bed, but never sleeping like he thought. Never sleeping.

I felt the numbness sweeping over me and took the opportunity to grab my keys and go. It was good that I wouldn't have any trouble leaving the house, otherwise I might not have had the fortitude to go through with my plans. I drove out of the drive way and turned my rearview mirror up to the roof; I didn't want to see. I didn't need to see.

It didn't take me long to reach the highest point of the cliffs. I shut off the engine and sat in the truck, unable to move. I was more than terrified of what I was about to do, but that fear was only in the back of my mind. The most urgent fear was a voice; a small insignificant voice, _"you promised to stay safe. You said you wouldn't do anything stupid. You promised…"_ The voice was getting louder in the cab of the truck. I took it as a signal that it was time to go outside. I slowly opened the door, trying to memorize every detail of this stupid old truck that I loved. It was the only thing that had never hurt me and I wanted to return the favor. Climbing back in the cab I pulled out a scrap of paper and scribbled one last message.

_Jacob can have the truck._

I threw the paper on the dashboard and left the keys swinging in the ignition. I stepped outside and shivered, the wind was whipping the mist and rain in all directions. I crossed the road and stepped over the guardrail. As I approached the edge of the cliff, a sudden strong gust of wind pushed at me from behind. I caught my balance and waited for the surge of panic when I realized that the weather had almost pushed me over, but I felt nothing. I was cold, and wet, and I was trembling violently, almost to the point of convulsions, but there was nothing else. The fear was gone, the sadness, the pain even had disappeared. Here I was, standing on the edge of oblivion, and I felt…_empty_. It was a nice feeling though; almost comforting in a way. I had felt the same ache for so long. But now there was nothing, not even the guilt that I knew I should be feeling. I tested this new emptiness, taking another unsteady step towards the edge, but still nothing. A small smile played at the edge of my mouth, this was a nice feeling; _nothingness_. The wind threw rain and sleet into my face and I closed my eyes against the assault. When I could see only darkness I was relieved. Over the past months I couldn't close my eyes without seeing the red-eyed faces of monsters staring back at me. But now I saw nothing, just blackness. And then, a pair of familiar golden eyes, and a soft mouth breathing the words I needed to hear.

_Don't worry, I'll catch you_.

I took a one last deep breath, squeezed my eyes as tightly shut as I could manage, and took the last small step towards him…


	3. Chapter 3

_I took a one last deep breath, squeezed my eyes as tightly shut as I could manage, and took the last small step towards him…_

There was no sound, no sensation of movement, there was only the _feeling_; a sick, twisting, nauseous feeling, as gravity captured me. I had wondered before if there would be a flashback or a montage of my life as I plummeted downward, but there was nothing but the stinging wind and rain and that horrible feeling. I opened my eyes and saw everything, and saw nothing. There was nothing to see; just a blur of color as I flew down the length of the cliff. I kept waiting for the end, wondering what was taking so long. Perhaps I had underestimated the height of the cliffs and this would take longer than I thought. I don't know what I was waiting for. Maybe a white light, maybe soft darkness, it didn't matter. But I didn't get what I wanted. Instead I got pain.

I didn't know what was happening, but I was suddenly surrounded by panic and darkness. I tried to scream out at the excruciating pain, but when my mouth opened the freezing water launched itself down my throat and into my lungs. I thrashed about wildly as I suffocated in the black water that filled me and surrounded me. There was no surface here; it was only a world of freezing, exploding pain as my limp body was pulled in every direction but upward. This was it then. I couldn't have an easy end, it would have to be fierce and crushing and horrific, but it couldn't last forever. It would be a terrifying end, but it would _end_. This was the last thought in my mind as my vision began to cloud over with painful black spots. I was still telling my legs to kick and my arms to reach out, but they would not follow the command, hanging limp and floating pitifully out from my torso. I tried to close my eyes; not wanting to see death as it reached up and took me. But it seemed that my body was already dead; refusing to act on my order. My eyes wouldn't move and I could see nothing but my own bluish arm floating in the black depths. The circle of my vision was getting smaller and I could no longer see my hand, but just a portion of my arm and my elbow.

I couldn't feel anything, there was nothing to feel. I only saw the hand grip my arm and I saw my own bone break through the skin as the hand bent my arm in the wrong direction. But there was no pain; there was no thought. My circle of vision was almost gone, and the last thing I saw was a small finger pierced into my skin, and then there was nothing at all…

**A. POV**

It was happening. I was too late and it was happening. She was already there, standing by herself. But this was _their_ land. What would happen if I entered here, even to save her? I scanned the perimeter anxiously, but I wasn't seeing the think forest, I was seeing her, standing on the precipice, her eyes closed, and then a little smile, and then a single step and she was gone.

"NOOOO!" I screamed at the future, refusing to allow this evil decision to be carried out as I shot forward through the trees. I wasn't running, I was _flying_; going so fast that my feet barely had time to brush the ground. I wouldn't make it in time, she was falling and I was still running. If only I could reach the water, I was so much faster in the water, but it would take longer to reach her if I diverted from my path now. I simply _must_ go faster. I looked ahead into the deep forest and all I saw was a blur of green, but then I saw her hit the water, and I was still so far away. How long could she go without air? Had she even survived the fall?

No. I would not allow this to be the end. If she had even one heartbeat left, she could be changed, she could be saved. And I would do it.

Finally I broke through the thick forest and rocketed myself into the ocean. I was still so far from her, on the other side of the vast space of water, having launched myself off the far side of the beach. But swimming was faster for all of us, especially me. It was almost black below the surface but of course I could see her at the base of the cliffs. Her body was limp; being thrown mercilessly by the rough current. She wasn't moving her limbs, and her eyes were blank as they stared ahead at the blackness. Just four more seconds and I would reach her; three, two, one…

I took hold of her arm as I shot past her and I heard the sickening snap as I felt the bone and skin give way under my unyielding grip. I broke the surface at what must have been hyperspeed and tried not to break her spine as I threw her on the ground. Should I bite her now? Or should I try to revive her? I didn't know what to do and wished ferociously that Carlisle were here. But then as I looked at her blue skin, I saw a small trail of blood begin to seep out of her arm where the pearl white bone was sticking out. Oh god, I should have seen this, I should have fed. I wouldn't be able to handle this; I didn't need to see it in a vision to know that if I tried to turn her, I wouldn't be able to stop. I had to face it; it wasn't in my power or self control to accomplish the change without destroying her completely.

Not two whole seconds had passed and I knew what I couldn't do. So I flipped her on her side and hit her back as softly as I could. I didn't hear anything crack so I lifted her face and breathed frozen air into her mouth. Far away my mind worried if the temperature of the air that I was exhaling into her would freeze the inside lining of her throat and lungs. But I didn't even know how much air to put in her lungs, if I tried to force too much air in, her lungs could burst like an over-inflated balloon. This was the first time in my immortal life that I had ever feared death, and it wasn't even my own. Bella's beautiful face was a grayish, sickly color and her lips were swollen and reddish blue. She wasn't breathing, but I could hear a soft flutter every time I exhaled into her mouth. Her heart. She was trying. I continued to pump air into her lungs and then turn her on her side to release it. I pushed down on her chest once, but at least four ribs immediately snapped and I cried out at how incredibly fragile she was, and how alarmingly careless I was being.

I was beginning to lose hope as I kept forcing air into her broken body. Her arm was pouring out blood now but I shoved that side of her into the water to try and dilute the intoxicating scent. I listened closely for any sound from her heart, but it would only flutter every few times that I breathed into her, she was fading away, right here in my arms. I tried to see something of the future, anything that would signal that she would survive this, but I couldn't see anything about her. There were flashes of Esme mostly and she was always alone and sad, I saw Jasper and I saying goodbye to Rose and Emmett, and then Esme and Carlisle sitting alone on a couch. There was nothing of Edward, and nothing of Bella. I looked down at her empty eyes and screamed at her. I didn't know what to do, if there was even anything that _could_ be done. I leaned in close to her to try and hear something, anything, from her heart, but silence was all that I found. "Please Bella…" I begged her unresponsive eyes, "_Please…_you're my _only_ friend…" this was the truth of my existence. She had picked _me_, of course her most intimate love belonged to Edward, but I owned a piece of her love too. She had picked _me_ to love as her sister and I couldn't lose that. I listened for a sound, _any _sound, but still, there was nothing. Finally I told her my last frantic plea, "We _need _you. Not just him, we _all_ need you. _Please_." I collapsed on the ground and dug my nails into the rocks. I let loose a dry sob and layed next to her, trembling. But then I heard it, a sigh, it wasn't even a beat, but a soft whisper from her heart. I sat up and listened, intently searching the future. I saw a million images; none of them were worth anything though, but then, there! I saw myself exhaling into her once more and immediately I was over her, pushing one last frantic breath into her lungs. I turned her on her stomach and hugged her middle, trying to ignore the horrible cracks as I broke more of her ribs. But then, finally, I heard liquid, and it was coming up her throat along with the air I had pumped into her.

Suddenly a river of fluids and blood came rushing out of her mouth and I heard her heart give a single, weak beat. I flipped her over again and, more gently this time, pushed air into her lungs. Her heart beat once more, and then again and again. Her heart was beating! I watched as her body gasped for a small breath on its own, then another and another. Her limbs still weren't moving and her face was blank, but the blue was beginning to lighten, leaving a dark shade over her countenance. I felt like I was witnessing a miracle; like some form of magic was revealing itself before my eyes. I couldn't blink, I couldn't breath. I just sat, frozen, next to her as life slowly drifted back.

Finally I saw her pupils contract slightly and twitch to the side. As I saw the first signs of actual _life_ come back to her, the reality of what was happening began to sink in. Bella had just jumped off a cliff and drown, I had violated a crucial treaty to save her, I hadn't failed in saving her, but I _had_ done much more damage to her in my attempt, and even though she was breathing now, there was no vision to guarantee that she would continue for very long. Plus, I was just letting her lie out here in the frozen weather, soaking wet, and with blood gushing from her arm. And the last thing that entered my mental list of horrible circumstances of the moment was that we were still on a beach, surrounded by land that I was never to set foot on _and_ I wouldn't be able to see any visions if the tribe came closer. Bella needed to get to a hospital immediately and there was only one way I could guarantee our safety. I pulled out my dripping cell and silently thanked Emmett for suggesting that we all get phones that would still work after getting wet during a hunt. I saw that I would have to wait until the fifth ring before Charlie would get the front door unlocked and run to the kitchen to grab the phone.

"Oh, ouch! Um hel-hello?"

I spoke as calmly as possible while I pushed Bella's bone back into her arm and tried to slow the bleeding. "Charlie, it's Alice Cullen."

"Wh-what? Alice Cullen? Why…"

"Charlie stop. It's Alice Cullen and I need your help. Now."


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, I was going to write this one anyway, but not so soon, but Beckaaay got me in a crazy good mood so… here it is!! (thanks again Beckaaay – your opinion means the world to me)**

"_Charlie stop. It's Alice Cullen and I need your help. Now."_

**A. POV (Alice's point of view)**

I wasn't seeing Bella as I looked down at her broken body, I was seeing our future. _I was on my cell. I was holding her in my lap. I looked up; terrified…_ and then, nothing. There was nothing! I couldn't see either of us, we were both gone and I knew what that must mean. _They_ were coming. What would they do? Would I be able to fight them off? I knew I couldn't handle more than two by myself, if even that. Charlie was on his way, and I knew I would need him to find us first. If the wolves found us they would think I had done this to Bella. They would attack and I would have to run, I would have to leave her. I couldn't let that happen, they were still far away, and I couldn't hear or smell them, so I still had time. I had told Charlie to drive down to the beach, but I couldn't risk waiting for him. I would have to meet him further up the road, Bella needed medical attention and the faster that I got to Charlie; the faster she would be at the hospital.

I held my breath as I took her injured arm out of the water and the blood quickly began to flow down to her hand. I had closed her eyes for her, guessing that she still lacked the strength and the muscle control to do so. Her heart beat was still only a weak murmur in her chest, but it was constant and steady, unlike her breathing. Her breaths were coming in very fast shallow gasps and every few seconds she would wait a little too long to take the next breath and it would come in an urgent gasp. I leaned down and whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, "Bella, someone is coming and we have to leave. Charlie is on his way and we're going to take you to the hospital. I'm sorry Bella, but I have to move you now and it's going to hurt. _Please_ just keep breathing." I looked at her face, but it was blank, her eyes were still closed and her lips were a dark shadow. If I couldn't hear her soft heart beat, I would assume she was dead. I shuddered at the thought and prepared myself to carry her, bleeding, up the gentle slope of the path that led to the road.

I quickly ran to the other side of the rocks to inhale a deep, fresh breath. The clean air was such a relief to my senses. Of course I didn't need the air, but since I was no longer having visions of Bella and me, I had to rely on my other senses more, and blocking my sense of smell felt instinctively wrong. But I knew I couldn't breathe around Bella, it was just too dangerous, it had been over two weeks since my last hunt. I was actually preparing to go feed when I had seen Bella sitting in class, a single tear running down the smooth length of her cheek. And then I saw her in her room, writing that note. I had those visions yesterday, and I hadn't stopped running until I finally got to the edge of La Push about ten minutes ago.

I slid Bella's injured arm into the freezing water once more to rinse off the river of blood that had cascaded from the open wound. I gathered her legs and wrapped my other arm around her shoulders, careful to support her head, and lifted her off the ground. She gasped and I froze on one knee, too afraid to move again, I was obviously causing her even more pain. I let her take a few unsteady, shallow breaths and then continued to stand as smoothly as possible. I was holding her like a baby as I began to walk up the path to the road. I could hear a vehicle approaching and recognized that it was Charlie's cruiser with the sirens blaring. This was the first time I had ever known of him turning them on. He was still far away, but I could hear that he was getting close very quickly. I began walking faster and tried my best not to let Bella feel any of my movements. As I approached the edge of the road I could hear another sound, closer than Charlie's cruiser. It was footsteps, big footsteps. They were here, and they were running. I jumped up onto the road and rushed to the middle so Charlie would be sure to see me. I could hear them panting as they found the spot of beach we had just abandoned, then started up the short path to the road, and to us.

I set Bella down as gently as possible on the far side of the road and positioned myself in front of her, ready to fight. I would not leave her here to be mauled by these dogs, I would defend her. I finally saw them appear at the edge of the forest; four disgusting, large wolves. They were panting and slobbering all over themselves as they took in the sight of me, crouching over a seemingly dead and bleeding Bella. I was ready to launch myself at the closest one of them, but stopped and stood up when I heard Charlie's cruiser rounding the last curve and saw him speeding toward me. I glanced at the forest and saw them look at the cruiser and then back slowly downward, growling and snarling at me. I was sure I'd have to deal with them later, but right now I couldn't bring myself to care. I leaned down to Bella and lifted her body again as Charlie slammed the cruiser to a stop less than a foot away. He was out of the car and running to open the back door for me to slide Bella in. I had never seen a human his age run quite so fast, if I wasn't concentrating on not breathing, not hurting Bella, not getting killed by the wolves, and not letting Charlie realize how strong I was as I carried Bella by myself, I would have taken a moment to be impressed at his speed.

"Put her down here Alice!" Charlie yelled at me as I approached the door and he ran back to the driver's seat. I climbed in with her and positioned her carefully so her head was resting on my lap while the rest of her body lay lifeless on the seat.

"GO!" I yelled at him as I slammed the back door closed. Charlie never looked at me or Bella; he threw the car in reverse and did a quick 180 in the middle of the road. Within seconds we were speeding toward Forks. I didn't need to look behind me to know that we were being watched, and that one wolf in particular, was perhaps a little _too_ interested in our departure.

I had also called the hospital after calling Charlie and when we arrived, the majority of the staff was standing outside the emergency room, ready to act on whatever catastrophe that I was bringing. The second that the cruiser stopped, doctors and nurses rushed the car, opening the back door and trying to get Bella out of my lap. I was suddenly terrified that they would hurt her just trying to get her out of the car and into the building. "Back off!" I shouted at them suddenly, unable to contain my panic and rage. I had not run all the way back to Forks, saved her from the ocean, revived her, and saved her from wolves, just to have her hurt even more by these careless, _idiot_ humans. They backed up slowly and I pulled the length of Bella's body up onto my lap and rose up and out of the car. A gurney was shoved in front of me and I gently laid her on it. As soon as she was out of my hands, those pesky humans rushed her away from me and I stood next to the cruiser, covered in her blood, watching Charlie run after the crowd of doctors that had taken her from me. With Bella in the best hands available, now that Carlisle was gone, I sucked in a ragged breath and almost grimaced at the intense burn in my throat. I looked down at all the blood on my clothes and very seriously contemplated eating my own shirt right there in the parking lot. I _needed_ to hunt. Even as my mouth was filling with venom at the smell of her blood on me, I decided to scan the future for Bella just to make sure she would be okay without me. It was such a relief to see her again, now that those stupid dogs weren't blocking me. _I saw her surrounded by doctors, then Charlie was crying in a waiting room, I saw a note laying next to him with my handwriting, and finally, I saw Bella laying down, her face as white as the sheets surrounding her, tubes stuck in her, but a monitor ticked off the steady beats of her heart. _That was it then, she would be okay. I thought of the note that was next to Charlie and saw paper on the front seat of the cruiser. I grabbed it and quickly scribbled a short message…

_Charlie,_

_I'm sorry but I can't stay here, I know Bella will be okay, trust me. I wish severely that I could be here when she wakes up, but I came back to Forks very suddenly and my family will be worried and expecting an explanation for my departure and absence. _

_Give Bella my love,_

_Alice _

This would have to suffice for now, I was practically drooling as I tore off the note and left it laying on the driver's seat. I saw that Charlie would be coming out to move the cruiser about the seventieth time that the nurses told them that there was no new information on Bella. I slammed the door and ran as slowly as I possibly could to the edge of the forest. Even at my slowest speed I still probably looked like an Olympic runner. The second that I was under the cover of the trees I launched myself into the darkness of the forest. I was lucky, there were a few deer nearby and it didn't take many of them for the intensity of the burn in my throat to gently subside.

After gorging myself I realized that I would need to return home immediately. I hadn't even told Jasper what was happening. When I had the vision I had collapsed to the floor, screamed out Bella's name, and then thrown myself out the door and ran all the way to Forks. Jasper knew better than to follow me though, he knew that if I had needed him to come along, I would have grabbed him on my flight out the door, or at least yelled his name as I raced into the forest. But still, he would be worried; afraid for what I had seen, and afraid that I had gone alone. I would need a fresh change of clothes and another short hunt, and then I would go home and tell them all what had happened. And then together, as a family, and with Carlisle's calm wisdom, we would decide to call Edward.


	5. Chapter 5

**B. POV (Bella's point of view)**

I felt heavy. I tried to move my arm, my hand, my eyelids, but nothing would budge. I could tell that I was laying down on something soft, and there was something pressing down on my face. I heard a steady beeping noise close to my left side, but the sound wasn't clear and I couldn't open my eyes to see it. "Bells? Bella, can you hear me…" The voice was too far away, I could barely hear it, and it took me too long to recognize it as Charlie. I felt a hand touch mine softly and I tried harder to open my eyes. I felt the urge to swallow but when I tried there was something there, something blocking my throat. I tried to breathe around it, but I was choking again, I couldn't breathe and my eyes wouldn't open. I was alone in the dark again, choking. The hand tightened on mine and Charlie's voice was laced with panic. "Bella? What is it? Just breathe sweetheart." Then louder, "Somebody help in here! I need a doctor!" Then there was another voice, a older, calm voice.

"Okay Chief Swan, what do we have here?" I felt firm hands push down on my chin as I was flailing my body upward. I had found my hands, but my arms were still too heavy to move, I grabbed at the sheets beneath me and dug my nails into Charlie's hand.

"I don't know! I think she's choking, get that thing out of her mouth! She can't breathe around it!"

"Okay Bella, calm down and try to breathe naturally, we're going to remove the breathing tube in just a moment." I tried to slow my thrashing, not because the doctor had told me to, but because I was starting to feel pain in my hands, moving up to my arms. But I couldn't breathe, my entire neck was throbbing with pain as my throat contracted, trying to swallow, trying to breathe. Then a strong hand gripped my chin and another began to pull out the tube. I could suddenly feel that it went much further than my throat, I felt it moving up from the middle of my chest, through my throat, and finally out of my mouth. The hand on my chin turned my head for me as I threw up liquid that felt like fire. "It's okay now Bella, you'll be fine, just try to breathe slowly. You've been under anesthesia so the feeling should be coming back into your body as the medication wears off."

"Should I do anything for her? Get her water or something?" I heard Charlie's voice next to my head and felt his hand give mine a gentle squeeze.

"Not at all Chief, she should be fine for a while now. If she asks for anything just push the call button and let the nurses handle it. And if she's in any pain, she can push this button here to get her next dose of morphine."

"Thanks doc." Charlie whispered his reply as he brushed the hair off my forehead. It was quiet then, all I could hear was my own labored breathing and the steady beep of the monitor next to the bed. My face started to tingle and I tried once more to open my eyes, they were still so heavy. I lifted with all my strength and suddenly I saw a beam of white light pierce through my vision, then darkness as I let my lids fall. I took a few deep breaths and tried again, this time lifting them enough to see that the white light was actually the bed sheet that was pulled up on my chest. I continued lifting my eyelids until finally I was able to open them enough to see Charlie sitting beside me, staring at me with tears in his eyes. It was a strange sight and at first I thought my eyes were deceiving me; surely he wasn't…_crying_? "Hi Bells." He whispered to me and gave a small smile. "You feeling okay honey?"

"Ungh." Was the only reply that I could give, and even that small sound was painful to so much of my body.

"I think you're probably ready for the next dose of morphine huh?" Charlie reached across the bed and pushed a red button. I looked back at him and he smiled as my expression softened, the morphine was instant relief. I began to feel numb again, but I could still move, it was only the painful throbbing that faded away. I squeezed a finger on his hand that was still resting on mine and he smiled widely. "Yeah I thought that might help out. You're gonna be just fine Bells, just get some sleep, and when you wake up you'll feel better." I couldn't help but close my eyes at just the thought of sleeping, I was suddenly so tired, I squeezed his finger once more and let sleep overcome me.

_It was dark and we were in the forest. He kissed my hand and lifted me onto his back. And then we were climbing. He was scaling the length of the tree so fast, if felt like I was floating. I looked up and we still weren't nearing the top of the tree. I saw the top though, and realized as I saw it move and shift, it wasn't the top, it was the surface. The forest was underwater and he was climbing the tree to get to the surface. When I looked back down I couldn't see the bottom anymore, it was just a dark, never ending hole. I looked at him, but he was gone, I wasn't hanging onto his back anymore, but instead I was clutching the tree. I looked up and he was still climbing, he was leaving me down here, and I was running out of air. Paralyzing fear gripped me, and as I moved one hand to grab the next branch, the tree was gone, and I was sinking. I looked up and screamed for him, "Edward don't leave me here!" But he didn't hear; all that came out was a gurgling sound as the water rushed into my open mouth. He was leaving me again and I was drowning. _

"Bella! Wake up! Come on, wake up! It's just a dream, wake up!" Charlie's hands were shoving my face to the side and I struggled against him as I threw up what felt like boiling water. It was easy, almost natural, to open my eyes now and I saw machines and lights and reddish liquid pouring out onto the white bed. A nurse came in and pushed a button, making some noises stop and the beeping machine quiet its steady sound.

"Okay, just relax darling, you're fine, it's just some leftover water in your stomach. There's no reason to panic, just settle down now." She replaced Charlie's hands with her own and pulled my face back to the center of the pillow. She lifted my head and removed the wet pillow, quickly replacing it with a fresh one.

"How much could she have left in there? I've seen her throw up at least a gallon already."

"Well, she swallowed enough to stop her heart, and it wasn't just her stomach that was full of water, it was her lungs too. But she should be just about done now."

"And why is it red? Is her stomach bleeding or something?"

"Well, I should let the doctor explain that part to you Chief Swan, I don't know the exact terms for it." I heard the click of her heels as she retreated out of the room, and then Charlie's sigh as he sat back down on the other side of the bed. I let out a small whimper and he looked up at me.

"Sorry Bells, you've still got five minutes until that thing will give you more drugs." I took a deep breath and turned my head back to the ceiling, counting down the five minutes. "Bella, I've got to run to the station for just a minute and I thought I might drop by the house to get some clothes for you. Will you be okay if I leave? It'll only be for a little bit, thirty minutes tops." I searched the side of the bed for his hand and squeezed his finger when he put his hand in mine. "Okay honey, I'll be back soon." He explained which button I should push if I needed morphine and which I should use to call the nurse and then gave me a light kiss on my forehead and walked out of the room. I pushed the red button for morphine, but nothing happened, I still felt like crap. I decided to wait thirty seconds and then try to push it again. I began counting in my head but didn't make it past four when I felt the peaceful numb start to drift over my body. I fell asleep shortly after and didn't wake up until I heard Charlie's voice in the room.

He was standing near the door, talking in a hushed whisper to a doctor. I kept my eyes closed but listened to him, his voice made me feel a little better, it was soothing almost. Until I realized what he was saying. "I found it in her room. I was just gonna grab some clothes for her and maybe a blanket or something, you know, something from home to make her more comfortable. Anyway, I was just gonna take the blanket off her bed and I saw it just sitting in there so I grabbed it. It wasn't for me but…it's pretty damn clear what it's for." His voice was strangled, and I wanted to open my eyes to see his face, but I couldn't. I was afraid. I knew what he had found in my room; the note I left for Edward would have been lying on the window sill, where I had left it earlier this afternoon. I had made the decision to jump off that cliff, and I was okay with that, but I had _not_ prepared myself for seeing Charlie's reaction to that decision, and I was afraid of just what that reaction would be. "I've already called Renee, she's flying up on the red eye, she'll be here in the morning." It would be an over reaction then. Fortunately the doctor seemed to be on my side.

"I'm not sure that your ex-wife needs to be here right now Chief Swan. Isabella is still very ill and by the looks of this letter, not just physically ill. Perhaps it's best if people give her a little space, you don't want to overwhelm her right now. You need to get her to talk about it first." Well, I thought he was on my side at least. But he was obviously out of his mind. The _last_ thing I wanted to do right now was talk about that letter. Why couldn't we just go back to when I woke up and Charlie was looking at me like I was his little girl again? Why couldn't that feeling last just a little while longer? Did reality really have to come back quite this fast?

"Well what do you want me to do then? I've got my ex-wife on a plane, and I can't take Bella home until we get this sorted out."

"Sorted out?"

"Well how am I supposed to make sure she doesn't try to do it again? This letter seemed pretty frickin' desperate to me doc. I can't take her home thinking she's gonna do something the second I have my back turned." Charlie's voice was no longer soothing in _any_ way. It was making me sick to my stomach laying here listening to him talk about me like I was a puppy that was just waiting for him to turn around so I could pee on the carpet. He was talking like I had done this _to_ him, like I had done it just to hurt him. It was making me upset and as my breathing started to get harder, I could feel pain in my chest. I tried to reach for the red button again, but something was pulling on my arm and I couldn't get to it. I opened my eyes and the doctor was walking over to me.

"I've got that Isabella; don't pull on your arm." He pushed the button and I looked at Charlie standing in the doorway. He gave me a quick glance and then he looked down and walked out of the room. As I started to drift off again I heard him speaking to the doctor just outside the door.

"Is she gonna sleep again now?"

"Yes, I'm slowly decreasing her morphine drip, but she's still getting a pretty large amount so she'll probably fall asleep after each dose."

"Okay. Well I've got to get to the station, for a little while then if she's gonna be asleep."

"Yes she'll most likely sleep now until the morning."

"Yeah okay. I guess I'll decide what to do about all this in the morning when her mother gets here."

"Would you like to give her the blanket Chief?"

"No, she's already asleep, I'll just throw it in the car. I'll be back in the morning, thanks doc." I felt the tears begin to fill my eyes as the doctor shut out the brightest over head light and closed the door. I knew this could only get worse; I shouldn't have left that note. Now my parents knew that I hadn't fallen and it hadn't been a typical 'Bella' accident. I knew they would hate me for this.


	6. Chapter 6

_And then together, as a family, and with Carlisle's calm wisdom, we would decide to call Edward._

**A. POV**

"Why do _I_ have to be the one to talk to him?" It wasn't fair, I had just been through a horrific experience, well, I had witnessed someone else's horrific experience, and I shouldn't have to be the one to deal with Edward. The entire family knew how he would act; you didn't have to be a psychic to anticipate his reactions, especially when it came to Bella.

"Because you were the idiot who decided to go find her!" Rosalie hissed at me viciously, I simply ignored her. Everybody knew she was still upset that we had to move away from Forks. Even though we had all moved more than once for her little mistakes, she was unwilling to do the same for Edward.

"Rosalie, if any one of us had seen Alice's vision of Bella I would hope that we would all have had the same reaction and tried to save her." Carlisle's words sounded strong and proud as he defended my hasty and dangerous actions. "It wasn't the most opportune time for Alice to leave without having hunted first and it could have been extremely dangerous if the wolves had gotten to her earlier. And I'm still not sure why she didn't 'borrow' a car to come back. But all in all I fully support her choice to go back to Forks. Bella is a member of our family, even if my son refuses to acknowledge her as such."

"Which brings me to my point yet again, _I_ should not have to be the one to talk to him since he's going to be furious with me for being the one to go back to Bella first. _And_ I didn't get a car because I wanted to run, I stopped to hunt several times and it was just easier to run. Carlisle why won't you talk to him? He always listens to you; he values your opinion above all others." I saw Carlisle's answer seconds before he opened his mouth and I hung my shoulders in defeat.

"Well Alice, normally I would agree to speak with him. Edward will no doubt be furious that you went back to Forks after he told each of us to stay away from Bella. But when he discovers that she was intentionally hurt and the reason behind it, I think he'll want to speak to the person who witnessed it all first hand." Before he had finished his sentence Carlisle had his cell out and was offering it to me. "He might not pick up if it's you, but I'm confident he'll answer for my number." I snatched the phone and went outside, this was going to be difficult enough, and I didn't want an audience with me.

I saw that I would get no answer until the sixth ring, and then only a curt, "What is it Carlisle?" I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the over reaction that would surely come at any second.

"It's Alice, don't hang up." I heard a sigh and maybe even a little growl.

"What do you want Alice? I'm busy, make it quick." Busy? If I knew my brother, which I did, he was probably sitting in some dark, disgusting hole somewhere feeling sorry for himself and trying to keep from running all the way back to Forks like I had. Well, there was no point in softening the blow; he was going to be just as furious either way.

"I went to Forks." I waited for a response but heard nothing. "To see Bella…" Still there was nothing, but I could almost feel the rage coming through the phone. "I went because I saw something…happening to her…and I had to stop it." He had been silent as long as he could and I cringed as the onslaught began.

"ALICE I CAN'T EXPECT YOU TO DO ONE SINGLE THING THAT I ASK! MY ONLY REQUEST WAS FOR YOU TO LEAVE HER ALONE AND YET YOU COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT!?! HAVEN'T WE RUINED HER LIFE ENOUGH? IS IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO JUST LET HER LIVE?! I DON'T CARE THAT YOU HAD A VISION, STOP LOOKING FOR HER FUTURE, STOPPING WATCHING OUT FOR HER! IF I CAN MANAGE TO STAY AWAY FROM HER WHY CAN'T YOU? WHY SHOULD YOU GET TO SEE HER WHEN I CAN'T? HOW DARE YOU EVEN GO BACK THERE-"

"What was I supposed to do just let her DIE???" I regretted the words the second they escaped my lips. I couldn't see what he would do next, his future was a jumble of images, none of which I could recognize. I heard a slow intake of air.

"What did you see Alice?"

"Well, she hasn't been…dealing…very well with our absence and I really hadn't been looking in on her at all, I swear. Well every now and then I guess I would just take a little peek, but just to make sure she was okay, I mean, you said we couldn't interfere, but I thought just a peek every now and then just to make sure that she was sa-"

"ALICE! What did you see?"

"She wrote you a note, and then she jumped off a rock…"

"Jumped off a rock? Did she break something? Is she okay?"

"Well, it wasn't really a rock, it was more of a…cliff."

"WHAT? Is she okay? Where is she? Why would she do that? Did you g-"

"Edward stop. She's okay, I was a little late, but I got her and she's at the hospital with Charlie now. I didn't want to call you because she'll be fine now, but Carlisle sort of made me." I waited too long for his hushed and pained response.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?" I saw what he would ask and tried to think of what to say, should I tell him the truth, tell him what I really thought? Or should I tell him what his 'moral' side would want to hear?

"Sh…should I go back there?"

"Edward…I think that what's best for Bella right now is for you to -" Suddenly I saw a flash of black and then there was Bella. _She was in the hospital, but she was screaming and crying. There were three male nurses lifting her up and then strapping her to the bed. A doctor stepped up and put something in her iv and she turned to Charlie and Renee, standing in the corner of the room, both looking stone faced and unresponsive. Then she was in a different room, this one was smaller and she was curled into the corner, sobbing quietly to herself._ Finally I came back from the vision and realized where I was, with the help of Edward screaming in my ear.

"ALICE?! WHAT'S GOING ON? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN? DID YOU SEE SOMETHING ABOUT HER?"

"Edward, something is going to happen, I think they're moving her to a different room or something, I'm not sure what it was." I was confused, Bella had been terrified and violent in this vision, and then she was crying in the corner of the other room. What could upset her like this? I tried desperately to see something else, to see anything that would help me figure out what was going to happen to her. Finally I caught another short image, _she was still in the corner, curled up and shivering, an older woman came in the door._

"_Here's your medication dear, now if you don't take it nicely then I'll have to get one of the male nurses to come restrain you. So, are you going to give me any problems today?"_ The realization hit me suddenly and it was difficult to breath. I saw Jasper come outside only a half second before he did.

"Alice, what is it? Why are you so upset? Did Edward do something? Is he going to do something, what is it?" I had often wondered if it was painful for Jasper to feel the more hateful and depressing emotions of those around him, and at this moment I had my answer. He was just as upset as I was and he didn't know the reason why. I didn't have the time to comfort him though, no matter how much I wanted to. Edward's urgent voice was shouting at me from the cell that I had dropped on the grass. I picked it up and decided that I didn't care what Edward _thought_ he wanted, I knew what he needed and he didn't have time to wait for it to happen on its own.

"Edward!"

"ALICE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

"Edward you have to go get her! They're admitting her, to the hospital; they're admitting her to a different part of the hospital!" I waited for him to understand the significance of my words.

"What do you mean admitting her? Isn't she already admitted? Is she sicker or something, did she get worse?" I huffed out in exasperation; I didn't understand how someone who knew almost every thought of every human and vampire that he came across could be so _dense_ sometimes.

"Edward you idiot! They're admitting her to the psych department! They think she's crazy! They're going to make her stay there! Edward you have to go get her, you have to take her out of that place, you don't know what those places do to people, she won't be the same if they make her stay in that place, you have to go ge-" Jasper's hands were restraining my shoulders now as I was unconsciously in a crouch, ready to run back to Forks. I should have been feeling light headed over all the waves of calmness that he was pouring into me. It was the pressure of his hands as he gripped my shoulders tighter that made me stop talking and wait for Edward's response. It didn't take him long, and I relaxed as I saw his decision.

"Alice, I need to talk to Carlisle." I called for Carlisle and handed him the cell as he appeared before me. I curled up into Jasper's arms as I let his soothing emotions calm me down.

"Yes Edward what is it? The psychiatric department? Well I hardly think that's necessary but if her doctors believe that sh…But Edward really, psychiatric treatment is nothing like it was in Alice's life. Yes of course I could. No I think it's best if you come here first and then we go together. It will take a few calls, but I'm sure I can figure something out. In a few days then. Yes, goodbye." Carlisle shut the small phone and looked at the five faces eagerly awaiting his words. He took a deep breath and gave Esme a small smile, "He's coming home." The sudden lift in everyone's emotions was a jolt to Jasper and I felt him shiver behind me. "He's in the jungle in South America and said it'll take about two days drive to get to the first airport that will bring him here. Meanwhile, I'll be making a few calls to ascertain Bella's diagnosis, and when Edward arrives we'll discuss how best to proceed." After Carlisle finished talking we all stared at him, Emmett was the first one to speak.

"How best to proceed? Why don't we just go back to Forks, you can use 'doctor power' and spring Bella from the loony bin and we can go back to how it was before. _And_ if Edward can't handle it, Carlisle you can just change Bella and then all the problems will be solved. It's what she wants anyway. I don't understand why we can't just give it to her." We all looked around at each other, it was funny, but, we all thought this was a good plan actually. We all _wanted_ to go back to Forks, and we wanted to help Bella; after all, it was partially our fault that this had happened, Edward wasn't the only one who had abandoned her. But that was the problem, Edward. He always seemed to ruin any plans where we were all happy and Bella was with us, was one of us.

We were all silent, waiting for Carlisle to tell us what to do, but I could see that Rosalie was going to speak and I laughed at her idea.

"Well then, if we're done having our little 'should we save Bella, should we not save Bella' group meeting in the backyard, I'm going to go start packing. Emmett come on."

"Whoa Rosalie, there's no reason for packing. I'm not even sure if Edward and I are going to Forks in a few days, but I _do_ know that no other member of this family is going near that city until Edward has had a chance to figure things out. He'll be furious if he finds out that we've already decided to move home without speaking to him about it. And another thing, Bella's safety isn't my only concern. Alice technically broke the treaty when she fished Bella out of the ocean, and if I'm not mistaken, I'll have to answer to someone for that. I plan to handle that situation when and if Edward and I go to Forks in a few days."

"So we don't get to go home because _Edward_ might not want to be with his little _girlfriend_?" Rosalie's question was dripping with hatred and we all looked at her with accusing eyes, but none as forceful as Esme.

"Rosalie, I will _not_ hear you mention Isabella that way again, _ever_. She is just as much my daughter as you or Alice, and I will not tolerate your rejection of her any longer. If you can't control your feelings toward her, then perhaps you should go somewhere far away from the rest of this family until you are able to." Esme's words were soft but strong and Rosalie hung her head and mumbled an apology. Carlisle was glowing with respect and admiration for his mate, and the rest of us were stunned into silence. Finally Jasper spoke up behind me.

"So what do we do now?" We all looked at Carlisle and he thought for a moment before he spoke.

"Now, we wait for Edward."


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok guys - you've been great and I'm SO sorry that I've kept you waiting so long for updates!!! Unfortunately school has taken over my life the last couple months and it doesn't look like it's going to get any easier until after Finals Week. Finals are in 3 weeks and after that I'll only have work every day - but my job is totally easy and a GREAT place to write…soooo in about 3 weeks I expect to start writing again and writing a LOT!!! **

**Anyway - I just want to let you all know not to give up on me! Bella and Edward are climbing around in my head and I'm constantly writing down story ideas on random post-it notes and scraps of paper. I'm just as excited as you are to read more of the story! Thanks again for all the reviews and for your patience!! **

**-Sarah**


	8. Chapter 8

Hang in there people - I'm starting up again…

I'm all moved into my apartment and I can't afford cable - so I've got PLENTY of writing time

Expect something by the end of the week :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Jasper POV**

It had been exactly 53 hours and 14 minutes since Carlisle declared that our family would do nothing until Edward arrived. The emotional atmosphere was already thick, and I knew it would only get worse. I began to make a detailed record of the time in my head in an attempt to distract myself from the feelings of my family. And with each minute, the emotions in that house had been rising, becoming stronger and more intense. I imagine even a "normal" person would be feeling it now, the tension was palpable. At the 17 hour mark I had to leave the house; Emmett's excitement, Rosalie's urge to return to Forks and her disdain for a situation that she felt was entirely Edward's fault, Esme's worry, and even Carlisle's futile attempts at remaining calm; it was all too much for me. I suffered through the first 17 hours, but by then, Alice had lost control.

I could feel that she had been holding it all in, and for my benefit. Being near her was at least bearable, but I knew it wouldn't last. At 16 hours and 57 minutes, as I sat alone in the living room, I heard Alice gasp in our room upstairs, and then I felt the familiar sensation of her visions. I always knew when Alice was seeing things; her posture and demeanor could remain unchanged, but I could feel it, almost _taste_ it in the air. Any emotions that she had been feeling would instantly disappear, and she would feel empty to me, then suddenly, a flood of new emotions would envelope her. Sometimes she would be curious and excited, or worried and frightened, her emotions would change instantly as she saw new outcomes of the future, and I would know, I always knew. It was no different now; I felt her worry and regret disappear instantly and I waited for the new emotions to come. I heard another gasp, but this one came from my own lips. Alice's emotion hit me like a tidal wave. My head was spinning from the force of it and I grasped at the couch for support; of course the pitiful furniture buckled under my grip, Esme wouldn't be pleased with me when she discovered the pulverized armrest. I couldn't focus, everything was muddled and blurry, there was only one clear thing that I could feel…terror. Alice was petrified. Whatever she had seen had terrified her and she could make no effort to keep her emotions from me.

I managed to stumble out of the house without ruining anymore furniture, and I ran clumsily into the cover of the surrounding forest. I would have gone much further away, so far that I would no longer be able to sense the painfully sharp emotions around me. But I couldn't bring myself to leave Alice, I felt her fear and I refused to leave her. I found a comfortable spot at the base of an evergreen and assumed my position; now I would wait. I could still feel the emotions of my family, but the edge was gone; replaced with a dull sensation that I could handle. Of course with every minute of waiting for Edward, the anticipation was rising. I began moving back; picking a different tree a few yards away every hour. I silently wondered if I would be able to remain within a hundred miles of the house when Edward would arrive.

At 53 hours and 14 minutes I began to feel Alice's emotions become clearer than all the rest, but not stronger, I knew this meant she was coming closer to me. I heard her approach from the left and turned my head in her direction just as she passed through the trees to my resting place. Her emotions were still a jumble of fear, pain, worry, and panic, but she was keeping them in check; not letting me feel their intensity, for which I was grateful. She silently sat next to me and gently laid her hand on mine. With that simple touch I was overcome with her love, it coursed through my entire body like water; pouring into every piece of me. Sometimes I could feel the other members of my family react curiously to the small private moments that Alice and I shared. I suppose they couldn't understand how such seemingly insignificant gestures could mean so much. But our relationship was different, it existed on a different level, a level where emotions were _felt_, not said. I chuckled briefly as I thought of how fiercely Edward and Bella loved each other. It was difficult for me to be near them when they were being affectionate; I couldn't even imagine having such an intensely passionate relationship with Alice, it would probably kill me. Alice was perfectly still while I quietly laughed at my last thoughts; as if simply feeling emotions could _kill me_, it was hilariously wrong.

"Why are you laughing?" Alice tilted her head to the side to rest it on my shoulder and I could feel her curiosity fluttering around me.

"Just a silly thought." After a few seconds I felt Alice sink back into her worry and fear. I longed to know what had frightened her, I needed to protect her, to save her. I knew I would always feel this way about Alice; in a way, she had saved me all those years ago, and I would spend the rest of my existence doing the same. But I fought back the urge to ask what had frightened her, Alice would tell me what she had seen of the future if she chose.

I didn't have to wait long. I felt her restraint waver and then heard a tiny sigh escape her lips. "They're hurting her. They're going to hurt her."

"Who's hurting her?" I pulled Alice's small body into my lap and circled my arms around her.

"The doctors there. Charlie found the note and they know she did it on purpose. They'll put that stuff in her and then shove her in there alone. She's afraid and no one will come help." Alice held me tighter as she remembered what she had seen, and I could understand her fears; she was seeing what would happen to Bella, but she also had the blurry images of her own miserable human life.

"You know it's not the same. There have been vast improvements, Alice. What they did to you was monstrous, but those things are no longer done. They administer medications now, and therapy; things have changed drastically from what you can recall." I felt defiance beginning to rise as Alice stiffened in my arms and sat up.

"I know that. I know things are different. That's why I'm not already on the plane going back to Forks, but you didn't see her." I felt a wave of grief wash over us both. "She might as well be dead; she wants it obviously."

"I severely doubt another member of the family would agree with you." At that, Alice turned up her head and looked into my eyes. It was in these moments, when our eyes met and locked, that the rest of the world didn't matter. Looking into her gold - tinted eyes I felt I could see _inside_ her, like I could see inside her mind.

"Jasper. You didn't see her. _I did_. First she was confused, and then there was this horrible screaming, and then they put those things in her arms and at the end of it she was on the floor, crying in the corner. She looks so pitiful. Things have changed, they don't do the same things to patients now that they did to me," Alice stood up and pulled me up beside her, "but she's scared and alone, and I _know_ that feeling. That feeling hasn't changed." Alice turned back to face the edge of the forest and I felt the absence of all emotion, then a sense of relief coupled with dread overcome her. "Edward will be here soon, but he hasn't decided anything. I keep seeing him in the hospital with her, but then it changes and he's back in that hot room wherever he was before." Alice sighed and I felt her searching the future again, trying to see something definite. She opened her eyes again and I felt her frustration with our brother.

"Edward isn't ready to allow himself happiness, his guilt won't permit it."

"Guilt? There are several of our family that have done far worse than him in our past _and_ current lives."

"Guilt for Bella, for taking away her normalcy, for stealing what's left of her life." I looked down at Alice and felt her realization sink in, and I had to laugh at her next words.

"Edward is an idiot. If he screws this up for me I'll kill him myself."

"And what plans of yours would he be deterring?" Alice simply smiled up at me and ran her finger softly down the length of my nose. I would get no answer then. I returned her smile, rested my arm around her waist and let her pull me forward, back towards the house. As we emerged through the edge of the forest I felt a swell of anticipation and tension, and I knew it would only worsen as I heard the faint sound of a car speeding in our direction. Edward would arrive in minutes.


	10. Chapter 10

**I know it's been ages since I wrote anything, please forgive me. And a special thanks to a certain reader; your screaming was inspiring, so thanks!**

**Bella POV**

Was I still dreaming?

My eyes felt open, but all I could see was a blinding white. I could hear machines; there was beeping, and somewhere there were soft voices. I closed my eyes against the overpowering light. As the minutes passed I began to feel the different parts of my body, as if I were waking up, piece by piece. I could breathe again; still with a bit of difficulty, but on my own nonetheless. As thevoices faded away I heard a faint click and sensed sudden darkness through my closed eyelids. Before I could open my eyes and look around, sleep came, and I happily welcomed it's return…

"_No more dreams." _

_He was here with me, but where was I? An empty room. A hot, stuffy, smelly, empty room. _

"_No more dreams."_

_Why was he saying that? I looked down and saw him, curled up against the wall. He was filthy, laying there in the dust, but still as much of a god to me as ever. I longed to reach down and touch him, just one simple caress, to remember the coolness of his flawless skin. I reached down slowly, inching my hand closer to his exposed arm, all the while watching his closed eyes. _

_Suddenly his eyes flew open and I felt his powerful, yet restrained grip on my arm and throat. In a flash I was thrown to the floor with enough force to break my spine, but there was no pain. Edward slowly moved his face closer and closer to mine; his hand squeezing tighter around my throat with every passing second. I began to feel empty, like I could float away at any moment. Finally he stopped, our noses practically touching. I could feel his cool breath on my face, but the smell was wrong. It was a foul, stale, old smell, not his usual sweet, delicious scent that my body seemed to constantly yearn for. His breathing began to slow more and more, until he took one last breath and stopped altogether. I felt I could pass out at any moment, surely my neck must be broken now from his crushing hold on me. Edward opened his mouth, and without any sound, he spoke, "No more dreams." I was beginning to shake, but I didn't feel hot or cold. My body was practically convulsing on its own. I started to cry, afraid of his words, afraid of what they meant. _

"_Don't leave me." I begged helplessly. Edward's eyes were black as they searched mine. Then he looked away for a moment, and I saw anger and something like fear pass over him. He gasped and looked back at me suddenly. I felt him put all his weight onto my body, I could feel my neck bleeding and broken under his grip. He took a long, heavy breath and slowly let it out before his eyes locked with mine. _

"_NO MORE DREAMS!" Edward screamed into my face and then, without warning, he was gone, and I was alone. I lay on the floor, frightened. I moved my hand up but it wasn't until I reached my throat, and felt the warm liquid pouring out of me that I realized I couldn't breathe. I began clawing at what was left of my neck, trying to open it. I need air. I need AIR!_

"Isabella relax! Just open your throat sweetheart. Hold her hands! Someone get her hands!" I opened my eyes and saw three nurses struggling over me, and more running through the door. They were holding something over my face and my entire body was shaking uncontrollably while I panicked and tried to rip it off. "Will somebody _please_ hold her hands!" A male nurse climbed on top of the bed and grabbed my wrists, his knees digging into the sides of my legs. I began to violently throw my head back and forth, trying to get it off, whatever they were pushing on my face. "Alright forget the gas, hand me that needle." I felt them lift the rough plastic off my face, and then a sharp pinch in my arm. "Don't get off her yet, wait at least 30 seconds for that to kick in, then we can move her to psych."

I started to feel drowsy again as I continued to struggle against the man holding me down. I turned my head toward the open door and froze when I saw Charlie staring at me. He immediately looked down and turned to leave the room. A man caught him at the door, "Chief Swan, I need you to sign this last release form, and if you should have any questions regarding Isabella or her treatment you can contact me in my office; third floor of the psychiatric building. And I can assure you that she'll be well taken care of. It's an older building so it might look a little dreary, but we've got some of the top equipment and the best psychiatric specialists in the area. And of course guests are welcome, but there _are_ certain stipulations to visitation. Tomorrow you can see the secretary at the front desk on the first floor and she can give you the visitation schedule that I'll make for -" he glanced down at his chart before continuing, "Isabella." I watched Charlie quickly scribble his signature and leave the room without looking back at me.

I felt the man on top of me slowly releasing his hold. He watched me for a few seconds, testing the effects of the drugs, and then slowly climbed down off the bed. All but two of the nurses left the room then, and one woman began working with the machines next to me while the other carefully pulled the needles and tubes out of my arms. After a few minutes they put another blanket on top of me. "Alright Isabella, you're all set." I couldn't even find the strength to close my eyes, I just continued staring at the open doorway. "You're going on a little visit to the psychiatric building, but don't worry, it's only for a short time so the doctors there can evaluate you, then you'll be back to school, good as new!" Her fake enthusiasm was sickening, and the other woman laughed and whispered.

"Yeah right, she's not going anywhere. I've seen a lot of people go through that building, but I've never seen anyone leave there _quickly_!"

"Well that's not my problem, once she's out of this room she's not my responsibility anymore. Besides, someone throws themself off a cliff, they deserve to stay in psych for a good long while." I felt the familiar pressure of tears on the edges of my eyes as they moved my bed into the hallway. Suddenly my eyes closed without me telling them to, and I began to lose the feeling in my body yet again. I felt nauseous and dizzy as sleep drifted over me.

_I was sitting alone, watching, waiting, the sun on my back. I felt the hours pass, yet still I waited. He would come. He always came. Then I heard the words in my mind, "No more dreams." And suddenly the sun vanished, and there was only darkness. But still I sat and waited. What else could I do? Where would I go? If he wouldn't come, then I couldn't go. My body shook as the air turned frigid in the absence of the sun. But still I waited…_

I woke up slowly, but I could feel everything. I was in a normal bed, uncomfortable and small. There was a dim light coming from the ceiling, illuminating the small space. The walls were painted a light grey, but there were no fixtures, only the single light, protected by thin strips of metal. There were also thin wires covering the small window in the door. But other than that, nothing. Just a twin bed and a dull light, not even a light switch. I could feel fear creeping over me. How long had I been here? How long _would_ I be here? Who had dressed me in the thin pants and shirt I was wearing now? I sat up on the bed and looked around for something to put on; the floor was cold tile and I didn't have anything to put on my feet. My body was already shaking steadily from the cold in the room. I pulled the thin blanket off the bed and wrapped it around my body as I walked across the small room to look out the little window of the door. I saw nothing. More grey wall. As I turned around to go back to the bed I heard a sharp scream followed by many voices yelling and stomping feet in the hallway. I looked out the little window again and saw someone run past my door, then another, and another. Within a few minutes the screams and shouts died down and I heard footsteps approaching. Before they could simply pass by me again I started yelling and banging on the door.

"Help me! Hello?! Please help me! I need help in here, please!!" Several men continued to pass by my door, but an older woman was moving slower. "Hey! Hey you! Don't walk away, please!! Please just talk to me! I need help!" The old woman stopped in front of my door and rolled her eyes as she took out her keys.

I backed away from the door as she slowly opened it and entered; a tall man stood behind her. "Alright what's the problem?"

I stood in the middle of the tiny room, shivering, clutching the blanket around me. "Where's my dad?"

The woman sighed and rolled her eyes again while she took a clip board off the outer side of the door. "It says here you don't get visitors for a week, and you're off drugs as of now." She let out a grunt, "tough break, no more sedatives for you."

"Where's my dad!?"

"Look, he's probably the one who signed you in here anyway, so what do you care? Just go back to sleep, you've got the whole night to sit in here, I can't let you out until your therapy session in the morning." That was it, I didn't care what she said. I wasn't staying here the whole night, I'd lose it. I started moving toward the door, sizing up the guy blocking the way. The woman stiffened when I moved and put out her hands. "Look, you can either sleep in here on your own, or we can _make _you."

"I'm not supposed to be here." I was whispering, but I didn't know why. My voice felt like it would fall apart if I tried to speak any louder than that. "I just need to call my dad." I took one more step forward and the woman turned and walked out of the room.

"Fine, have it your way." I heard her mumbling in the hallway as the man entered the room and two others followed from behind him. I stopped moving when they closed the door behind them.

"Please, I just need to call my dad. I promise." My body began to shake more violently now. I was terrified. I started to back up as the man in front came closer. Soon my legs hit the edge of the bed and I froze in place. I was so scared, I felt like I could pass out right there. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't, I opened my mouth to try, but nothing came out. A strangled sound was all I could create and I threw myself toward the door. All at once the three men were pulling on my arms and shoulders. I felt someone grab at my legs, and then I was in the air. I still couldn't scream, but I _could_ move. I fought violently against them; kicking and biting. I latched onto an arm and dug my nails in as hard as I could. But they didn't say a word, not even a sound of pain or frustration as I struggled against them. And within seconds I was laying flat on the bed; two straps holding down each arm and leg. The men left the room then, the last one carelessly tossed the thin blanket on top of me before pulling the door closed.

I waited until I heard the sound of the lock before I found my voice again. I screamed for the only thing I wanted, the one that should save me, the one that should love me. I screamed for the one who _wouldn't_ save me. The one who _never_ wanted me. I screamed for everything I was afraid of.

"EDWARD!!!"

I screamed until I ran out of breath. And then came the tears. I couldn't even sob, they just poured out of me. My life was over.


	11. Chapter 11

**Special thanks to those that review, I really appreciate it!!**

**Edward POV  
**

I had a million thoughts going through my mind as I pushed the car faster. The least important of which was why _anyone_ would invent an automobile that didn't go faster than 150mph. The pathetic vehicle was threatening to explode as I rounded the last of the curves and the driveway came into view. I knew they would all hear my approach; as if Alice hadn't already given them the exact time of my arrival.

There were no surprises as I parked the retched car and ran to the house; they were all there, gathered in the living room with their eyes to the door. Their thoughts however, were somewhat surprising. Esme was immediately concerned by my disheveled appearance. _Edward really; you couldn't have eaten OR bathed in South America? You look terrible. _Jasper was trying desperately to calm himself; the tension in the room was no doubt painful for him. I saw Alice gathering short bits and pieces of an uncertain future, but none were of any use so far and I shared her frustration. Emmett was of course in high spirits; happy that the family was together again. But Rosalie was different. She was…_happy_. I took a moment to hear her thoughts more specifically. _Surely I can pack everything now. Edward and Carlisle will go back to Forks, see that Bella's crazy and needs us back, and then in a few days I'll be going home!! I really do need to get started on that packing though, maybe I'll buy some new luggage…_

I focused on Carlisle now as I stepped through the door and crossed the room to the open chair near Esme. "Edward, it's good to have you back, even under unfortunate circumstances." Carlisle gave me a slight smile and showed me that his thoughts were hopeful. _I've made some calls and I'm sure I can get her released immediately if we go to Forks and speak with the attending doctors there. _

"We should leave now then," I felt like every moment that we wasted here was another moment of undeserved suffering for Bella. I heard Alice's thoughts begin to elevate.

"You need to decide what you're going to do when you get there before you actually leave."

"Why Alice? That's just wasting time. The sooner we leave, the better for Bella."

"That's what you said when you convinced all of us to abandon her in the first place, and look where _that_ got us." I let out a low growl to let Alice know that I was fully aware of my previous statement.

"Edward relax," Carlisle quietly reproached me, "Alice has a point. You need to set out certain rules for this little visit. I'm up for anything personally. If you want to go back, get Bella released, and then have our family return to Forks to continue our life there, well that's wonderful. But you need to decide now, because you know that when you get there, and you see her, well, you know you won't be thinking as logically as you might now."

I hated to admit it, but Alice _was_ right. But I couldn't think clearly now either. All I could see was Alice's vision of Bella, curled up and crying in a corner. I couldn't get it out of my head. I needed to save her. That was it. That was all I cared about. I needed to _save her_. "Look, I don't know exactly what's going to happen when I get there, but right now all I'm planning on is to go to Forks with Carlisle and get her out of that place. That's it right now. That's as much as I've thought it through. I don't have time to sit here and deliberate the best future course of action." I gave Carlisle a sharp look and he stood up and spoke softly with a small smile on his lips.

"Well I guess we had better be going then?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and stood up as well, ready to leave. I had to give a small laugh at Esme's next thought, "No, I don't have time for a shower." She gave me a mother's look and glanced at Carlisle.

"Edward, while you may want to leave immediately, I must refuse to accompany you until you've hunted." I felt the stab of hunger for the first time in weeks. "There's no way I'll allow you to be around humans in your condition. So, you'll eat," he glanced down at Esme, "and then shower, and then we'll leave." I opened my mouth to argue, but decided against it; I had already wasted enough time. I turned and bolted out the nearest door and into the depths of the surrounding forest. I wouldn't eat very much; just enough to take the edge off, I didn't have enough time to fully satiate my thirst. I'd just have to be strong until I had Bella safely with me and could hunt again.

I came across the path of a large herd of deer and took a few of them. When I felt only a tingle in my throat instead of the more pronounced burn that I'd become accustomed to, I turned back and ran for the house; eager to leave with Carlisle…

**I know it's short - but I didn't have much time for this one. Hopefully will be adding again soon, let me know if you have any ideas, I'm open for suggestions right now**


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